We’ve found the un-friend buttons in real life.
It’s Christmas eve and love is in the air. But what if love wasn’t in the air? What would you buy for your loved ones then? (It’s an oxymoronic statement, I know) This article is a guide for two different people in two situations. This may be for someone looking for gifts for someone he or she doesn’t like. It also may be a guide to help you know what not to buy for those that you love. Let’s get started.
#DumbestGiftEver! See what I just did there? Mind you, I did it with a regular keyboard on my computer. If you want to talk about solving a problem that doesn’t exist, take a look at the HashKey. I can just hear Mr. Wonderful asking two questions: “Why?” and “How do I make money with this idea?” Somehow 136 individuals have collectively donated nearly $2,500 on Kickstarter for this product. I’m losing faith in humanity if this product takes off….
Samsung UN85S9 Framed 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED TV
I’m sure you’re looking at this TV and thinking, “I would love someone to get that as a gift for me.” As would I, because it would be a symbol of a bond that would never break. I’m warning you of this gift because of its price. This TV is $40,000. The reviews on this TV are hysterical with reports of people selling their children into slavery, cashing in on their children’s college funds and putting them into the Army, and selling off organs to be able to afford the TV. One of my favorites (which has since been removed likely due to a visit from CPS) is below for kicks:
My wife and I bought this after selling our daughter Amanda into white slavery. We actually got a refurbished. It’s missing the remote, but oh well– for $10K off, I can afford a universal, right? The picture is amazing. I’ve never seen the world with such clarity.
Amanda, if you’re reading this, hang in there, honey! We’ll see you in a year.
*****
I just wanted to add an addendum to my review. Since posting it, we have received a flood of responses. People have said some pretty hurtful things–even questioning our values. Let me assure you, this was not an easy decision to make, and we made it as a family. Obviously, it’s very personal. But in light of all the second-guessing, I wanted to explain our thinking.
First and foremost, screen size. I really think you can’t go too big. 85″ may seem huge, but you get used to it fast. Second, resolution. Is 4K overkill? Please, that’s what they said about 1080P! More dots = better. Period. And as far as this being a $40,000 “dumb” TV, people need to re-read my initial post: WE BOUGHT IT REFURBISHED. It was only $30,000.
Some of you may think I’m avoiding the “elephant in the room”-the real reason why this was such a heart-wrenching choice. So let’s just get it out there. Yes, the 120 Hz refresh rate is a disappointment, especially on a 4K. But life is full of compromises. And frankly, we hardly notice. All in all, no regrets.
P.S., as for our daughter, NO ONE has the right to question our parenting. Totally out of bounds. Amanda was going into 7th grade, so it was going to be a transitional year anyway. Now she gets to see the world. How many kids her age get to go to Bahrain? I sure as heck didn’t, but you don’t hear me screaming “child abuse.” Bottom line: MYOB! Seriously.
*****
Has it been a year already? Wow! I guess that’s what 8 hours a day of immersive TV will do for you! Many of you have expressed your eagerness for an update. Well, here goes.
Generally, the Samsung has held up beautifully. We have noticed a little bit of lag, mostly in multi-player gaming–but not enough to cost us any firefights. There have been some issues up-imaging low rez content, but that’s to be expected when you early-adopt–we’re still “waiting on the world to change,” as John Mayer would say (gosh he’s talented.) On the plus side, we feel like we are now officially part of the cast of GOT. The other night Peg almost had to open a window to let Daenerys’ dragons fly out!
And you’ll all be happy to know our darling Amanda is back with us, safe and sound. She has changed a little. She’s less talkative than before (though she had some choice words for me when I asked her to clean her room). And she’s started wearing eye make-up, which has Peg a bit concerned. But welcome to thirteen, I guess. We’re just glad to have her home. And she loves the TV. That’s the main thing. In fact, she spends so much time in front of it lately, you’d swear she owns it.
While I’m sure the TV is of decent quality, I’m including this on the list to make sure you don’t accidentally make a purchase without looking at the price… You’re welcome!
This phone used to be all the rage. A one megapixel camera, the ability to play MP3s, a speakerphone, and the ability to connect to a bluetooth headset were all revolutionary in its time. The phones design was its biggest “sexy” factor. Now… it’s a flip phone. Let me repeat, it is as flip phone. The most insulting part about this gift is that it still costs more than a number of low-end smartphones on the market and it’s a flip phone. However, this is the perfect gift for your teenager with attitude who needs a new outlook on life.
Here is a gift that is just plain dumb. This is a keyboard sleeve that goes over your keyboard AND your hands. I just hope you don’t have to use a mouse, because getting in and out of this things looks like a nightmare. There ARE plenty of keyboard silencers that are available that go over the keyboard allowing you to type freely. This is the perfect gift if you’re looking for a way to un-friend someone in real life.
Have you ever wished you could just mount your tablet to your arm so that you can… hold something else? How about three remotes? Your salad? If you answered yes to any of those questions, this product isn’t for you, I’ve actually just got a ticket to the psych ward for you. In all reality, this isn’t an actual piece of tech. This is a part of a series of boxes known as Prank Packs. You can put whatever gift you want inside, but the boxes have terrible looking ideas on the outside.
Some other noteworthy mentionables include the Crib Dribbler, an infant gerbil water bottle; the Bathe and Brew, a coffee maker that also dispenses soap for use in the shower; and many more terrible ideas. I actually recommend these products just for the sheer enjoyment of seeing people’s reaction. Just make sure you have a camera handy when they open the gift.
There are plenty more bad gifts where that came from, but these are a few that we got a kick out of. We hope you did as well. We do a segment in our weekly podcast, The SmashCast, called ridickitech where we find the dumbest technology out there and tear it apart. We recommend you join us in the action sometime.
I hope all you Smashers have a wonderful and safe holiday. You’ve made 2015 a pleasure to be alive.
Have you seen a terrible tech gift idea? Share it in the comments below!